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So as Iapproached my 20th birthday the missionary position ina darkened room was the limit of my experience. So ontoAunty Elsie.Aunty Elsie was my grandmother’s cousin and at the timethis all took place was a sprightly 71 and also theblack sheep of the family. By this time she had beenmarried 4 times and was known to be a “bit of a girl”as Gran would often say.By now I had stopped holidaying with my parents andyounger sister so while they were away my Grandmother,who lived with us, invited Aunty Elsie to stay for somecompany and also I suspect to help keep an eye on me toprevent me from getting up to any mischief.It was two days into her visit that events took placethat I feel have had a major impact on my life. I hadgone up to my bed sitting room to listen to music whilethe two oldies but Goldies sat watching some rubbish onthe television. I had persevered for a while but soonfound the programme terribly boring and their incessantchatter about the good old days was. “How the hell did he find out? That was years ago!” I said.“Hey, y’all coming?” Jenna called back to us.“That’s kind of why I’m here, really…” She said. Later, after we ate our breakfast… “I got to ask. I know you can’t talk about sorority stuff with outsiders, but is it really like the movies? Like ‘Scream 2’ without the killer? Or ‘American Pie’? I considered pledging but… nah. I have been in a frat house though.” I said, getting everything out of me.“Here he goes…” Becky said.“What?” I said back.“Your jokes are corny,” She said.“And? Your point?”“No, it’s not like the movies,” Becky said.“And it’s not like those fake pretentious sluts in ‘Kappa Kappa Bitch’ circa the 1990s that give us a bad name,” Jenna said.“It’s true,” Abby chimed in.“Good to know,” I said. I took a long sip of my orange juice.The check came not long afterwards. I looked at the check incredulously:“Ok, I am not made up of money. Y’all still want to see some titties tonight? We are splitting this shit.”I showed.
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